Reclaiming Retarded !!!

You know when I was a youngster growing up I did as children do.....and at times when involved in a verbal joust with a fellow 10 year old combatant... I called them a retarded jackass....

Now as I grew up somewhere along the way calling someone a retard or referring to them as retarded became politcally incorrect, as it was offensive to mentally challenged individuals and as I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings I steered away from the term not wanting to be insenstive.

Well the year is now 2006....and the beginning of the era of political correctness was quite some time ago......and it is in my opinion that the term retard no longer applies to "mentally challenged individuals" as society as a whole has moved past such an ignorent stereotype, after all, the definition of retarded is to mean slow. And quite frankly I know alot of Mentally Challenged people that are faster and smarter then I am !!!......coming to this thought provoking place of enlightenment has allowed me to come to a favourable conclusion...

I can once again call my Jackass friends FECKING RETARDED !!


Hooray for social progress !!!!

CRANKY !!!!

Ok so they always say "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" ...... ok so what do you do when life gives you prunes............................shit !




I AM PISSY....... I couldn't really tell you why ..... I have a mild headache, don't feel like going to work, the house is a bit messy .... BLA BLA BLA .......typical B.S. kinda day feeling........I am thinking I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed..... well the solution to that seems pretty easy ....... So I am going back to bed and am gonna try it again....let's hope I rewake up on the right side and I am not so pissy or God help folks at work today !!!!

The pissy Jester

I just don't understand some people !!!

Ok so some people just do things their own way I guess....and their way is WRONG

So let me lay down a little background.......ok so the fellas washroom where I work is set up as such......there are 3 urinals and 2 stalls....one stall is a handicap accessable stall .... ya know its bigger and has the bar to help you in and out yada yada......

So anyway .... I needs to do me some bidness.....so off to the potty I goes......now when I get in the place is empty .... good I like it that way ..... so I choose the handicap stall.... because lets face it who doesn't like a bit of extra leg room for whatever the occassion. So I am doing my bidness when I hear the door open... "O great there goes my privacy" ..... and into the stall beside me he goes..... keep in mind there are 3 empty urinals.....so all I hear is a quick piss and he starts doin up......now I know some guys prefer the stall .... but.... and this is what threw me..... DUDE SAT DOWN TO DO IT....... I mean seriously fella you are taking this womens lib thing toooo far ......and NOOOOO its not over here..... so I can see the feet right cause you can see the feet stall to stall ..... and girlie boy is wearing white running shoes with black socks pulled up over his ankles in shorts..... so now I am thinking PANZY NERD .......and as the icing on the cake..... DIRTY RAT BASTAGE DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS..............so lets review...


IT WAS A DIRTY PANZY NERD ......... good on ya fella, the parents must be so proud !

Follow up to my previous post....

OK so I made me a trip back to Blockbuster this weekend and here is what I noted..........

There is in fact 16 copies of the piece of shite on the shelves......they in fact take up 2 full shelves........and if I will be damned they were sold out of it again.....if only more people read my blog instead of mainly just me the world would know......

BEOWULF AND GRENDEL is a piece of SHITE !!!!!!

Jester's Movie Review

Ok so this weekend the wife and I decide to rent movie's.......so off to blockbuster we go........whilst perusing the shelves I spot a movie that takes my interest......"Beowolf and Grendel"......upon reading the back it seems ok ...... the story of a viking hero battling a murderous troll......right up my alley..... I like action flicks and I like sword fighting movies... this one seems to have it all right???

Well to be sure you kinda pay attention to other facts when its a movie you have never heard of....well blockbuster has like 12 to 15 copies of it......good sign......and this is the second time I have attempted to rent it as it has been sold out previously.....good sign.....and even now the shelf is empty but I asked and they have a copy behind the counter...... all seems fine to me right???

WRONG !!??!!!!.......this movie was PURE SHITE ....an hour and a half of my life that I (and obviously alot of other idiots that rented it thus leading me to rent it) will never get back !!!! .....The story?? SHITE......The acting??? SHITE.....The scenery??? at first it seems nice until you realize its the same place used over and over again therefore... SHITE..................I mean seriously.......its set in Daneland (Norway) yet all the people from the same little village have different accents Fer Feck Sake...... I mean these people are practically related but one has a Scottish accent, another British.... the priest is Irish and the town witch is ... AMERICAN !!! (thats right...noone actually has a Norwegien or even Swedish accent).... I guess a clue to the shitiness of this movie should have been that one of the stars names was Ingvar......which leads me back to my previous post...Swedes suck !!!

So in retrospect if you have the opportunity to view this particular piece of cinemetography......don't !!!... You will regret it !!!!

Feck You Sweden !!!

Ok .... so in casual conversation with a co worker recently, he ever so kindly reminded me of an institution I rank up there with The KKK, Al Quaida, and Tim Hortons.... and her name?????



I mean holy shite......if I wanted to build my own furniture I would have became a carpenter (or a messiah/saviour of the world cause apparently its the same feckin thing ... but I digress).......with the kind of money ya have to freakin pay ... not to mention you have driven all the way to scarborough.... then you can put my fecking desk together for me A-Hole ..... .... add to that the fact that I nearly died once in an Ikea becuase I was WALKING AROUND FOR DAYS WITH NO EXIT IN SIGHT .... I mean JUZUZ H CHRIST....... I think the frikkin Swedes do that on purpose..... you get stuck in an circle pattern ... unable to find the escape route.... All the while they pump in that " soothing" music with the subliminal messages underneath brainwashing us ......."WE ARE SWEDISH....BUY OUR UGLY SHITE....AND WE DON'T WANT TO PUT IT TOGETHER SO DO IT YOURSELF STUPID CANADIAN !!!" ....Go to hell Sven and take your biatch wife Inga with you !!!

Seriously....other than the Swedish Bikini team and a couple of hockey players what good ever came out of Sweden??

I just took one up the Arse !

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME........I had held out as long as I could.........it had been $1.09........it went to $1.12 ...........couldn't possibly go any higher right? I can hold out one more day with what I have now.......but wait now I am almost out and have no choice but to go ....... and gas is at hmmmm.... let me see..............$1.14 ????????????????.......... HOLY BEJAYZUZ MOTHER FECKER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......what the hell is going on.........what is the world trying to do to me.......I mean seriously ... if they ram it up there any harder I am gonna be able to crap out a diamond !!!!!!!!! ...........I am seriously thinking of taking out a second mortgage just TO PUT FECKING GAS IN MY CAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I bitter right now? Methinks yes .......

Oh this is gonna be a wonderful day ..... I am going back to bed

Oh how I have missed you !!!!

Ok so this past weekend was the first chance I have had in a long time to get reaquainted with an old love interest............she is near and dear to my heart and I have missed her so ..... her name..... Alcohol......and for the first time in a long while I got FACED !!!!!

In Fact .... I got totally off my ass faced......it felt sooooooooooooo good...... I started out usual ... some Smirnoffs.... tequila....... same old same old.... and I was feeling ok.... but it was a friends birthday celebration so I decided to bring out the big guns......I am sure you all have that drink that just puts you on your ass more efficiently than others......well my old faithful is a Dr Pepper........What is a Dr pepper?? well for those of you that don't know ... I will explain.

There are a few versions ... some flaming... some with a larger mix of other alcohols such as Kahlua and Cherry Brandi....but I like to keep it simple !!! The best way to do it is thus:

Fill beer glass a third way up with your choice of beer
Then fill it up another third with Coca Cola
You will then need a shot glass full of Ameretto (mmmmmm tastes like candy)

After clinking glass or whatever your ritual... drop the shot of Ameretto into the beer glass (shot glass and all) and chug the whole thing....tastes just like Dr Pepper and rips you in a hurry !!!!!!

Now as I said there are variations... for example the bar I was at Saturday night did not add Coca Cola so it was just beer and Ameretto so it wasn't as sweet but still tastes great... to make her flame up generally you can add a tablespoon of Biccardi right after dropping in the shot and light it but I have learned in the past that flaming drinks do nasty things to me so I don't light things anymore......

So if you ever run across a Jester drinking in a bar.... offer him a Dr pepper.....it will be greatly aappreciated !!!!